How Long Does it Take to Feel Rejected?

(Time Healthland) Awkward Silences: 4 Seconds Is All It Takes to Feel Rejected

By Maia Szalavitz Thursday, December 30, 2010 | 2 Comments

It’s the pause that doesn’t refresh, the awkward moment that you relive over and over and over after you’ve realized that once again, you’ve put your foot in it.

New research from Holland suggests that good conversational flow has a powerful effect on people’s feelings of self-esteem and belonging, and that even brief — just four seconds long — silences during a conversation are enough to, as Tom Jacobs puts it in Miller-McCune:

…elicit primal fears, activating anxiety-provoking feelings of incompatibility and exclusion.

“Conversational flow is associated with positive emotions, and a heightened sense of belonging, self-esteem, social validation and consensus,” a research team led by psychologist Namkje Koudenburg writes in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. “Disrupting the flow by a brief silence produces feelings of rejection and negative emotions.”

(Click here to read more)

Also see 5 Leaders Conspicuously Absent When Needed the MostTo Hook Up Or..Are You Really Who You Think You Are?Why You Should Say “I Love You” in their Left Ear and Can a Hormone Cure Shyness?

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